Hold On to Your Kids (Episode 2 of 3)

Guests: Katie McDonald, Julie Hildebrand, and Gabe Boyd

 

The book we all read is titled Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers written by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., and Gabor Mate, M.D. This is NOT a recommendation of this book, but an in-depth exploration of the concepts of “attachment” parenting that are raised and an exploration of the idea that youth need to be more connected to their parents than to their peers.

 

What are the dangers of a child being attached to peers more than to their parents? Whomever a child is most attached to will have the greatest impact on their lives.

 

Peers are not accountable for their impact on your children - you, as parents, are! “When peers replace parents as the dominant attachment figures, they become our child’s models without, of course, assuming any responsibility for the end result” (HOTYK).

 

“Sex becomes an instrument of peer attachment. They are using sex with their peers to try to satisfy their hunger for connection and for affection” (HOTYK). The book is honest about the power of sex to connect two individuals - and the pain that comes with separation when that relationship or activity ends.

 

Bullying wouldn’t be that big of a deal if the child is more concerned with what his father (in our case, our Heavenly Father) thinks of us!

 

When you lose your attachment with your children, they’ll go and attach and listen to someone else. Getting that attachment relationship back with your children will take time and significant effort.

As parents, do we “over schedule” our children? Attachment isn’t proximity, it’s intentional investment into the lives of our children.

 

“Children don’t need friends, they need parents, grandparents, adults who will assume the responsibility to hold on to them” (HOTYK).

 

A “friend” is someone who has your best interest in mind - who is willing to speak truth into your life and make whatever sacrifice is necessary to help you be the best version of yourself. Your children need friends like this and so do you!

Special shout out to Jared Wood for allowing us to use his music - check him out at JaredWoodMusic!